Love Has Made ‘Me’ Free
Love is so powerful, mysterious and amazing and knows no boundary of how it hits you. During the summer of 2014, a gorgeous day in Boston, and where do I find myself sitting? In the office of a vocal therapist, wondering if I’d be capable of reaching my dream to sing again. Though the road had already felt long I continued to wait for the diagnosis and treatment of healthy vocal chords. I knew I was closer to some answers than I had ever been before.
The hope of being able to sing in the capacity that I had always dreamt of was beginning to caress my worried heart. It offered me a refreshing escape to my immediate reality. Little did I know, this was the start of a long journey back to vocal recovery and so much more.
PATH TO FREEDOM
The path to this freedom was so much more than just technical exercises, consistent repetitions, and even diet (though these are all extremely important). It became more about a freedom from the captivity within. Which ultimately was a part of my vocal chord downfall.
They say stress kills. I was experiencing this first hand. Years of compiled stress was actually affecting my body and ultimately my vocal chords. Ugh! How could I break free from this bondage, I wondered? There was no way that I was going to accept that I could never sing again; I just couldn’t!
They also say freedom isn’t free. And almost invariably includes some kind of conflict or sacrifice to obtain the liberty it provides. What would this look like for me in order to receive the freedom I so desperately wanted to have to sing again?
FACING THE CONFLICT
My journey to overcome such stress and captivity in my life would involve a conflict within myself; a battle, a sacrifice, a death to my ‘normal’ way of thinking. Who would’ve thought that ‘thinking’ could have such a lethal effect on the body, let alone vocal chords? With determination and diligence, I began to take a look at what I was believing about myself. How I viewed myself in the face of others around me and even how I believed God viewed me also.
I soon came to learn that my ‘right thinking’ demanded my ‘right-believing’. This revelation catapulted my freedom. That accepting myself and knowing the true self-value, needed to be fueled by a charge so strong it would electrify my very soul. Could there be a power so strong? One to influence the very thoughts and actions of my life to the degree of having such a physical outcome?
Having been raised in a Christian home, I grew up knowing about God. But still always felt a sense of condemnation, guilt, and shame. I don’t think this was a conscious thought all the time. This was what I began to see when I really began to look in. There was this double-mindedness that seemed to flip-flop depending on my feelings for the day. This compiled over the years and manifested in ways in my body that eventually produced damage to my vocal chords. So the answer to my question. Could there be a power so strong to influence my thoughts and actions in my life and bring me back to health and wholeness? The answer was absolute YES!
LOVE IS FREEDOM
My journey to freedom, vocal chord recovery, and singing once again is, in fact, a result from LOVE. Not a self-love, per say, or even just accepting acclamations of love from others (though both important). But accepting the one who created such love and finally coming to a place to see a truth about the real nature of that love. A saving love so great to keep me from the internal corruption and devour of my very soul. Accepting the only love that is true love and has the capacity to love without any condemnation!
I learned that recovering my dream to sing wasn’t just about fixing my vocal chords and practicing repetitions. It was about healing me from the inside out. It required letting go of perceptions and compiled garbage that had built up over time. Placing trust in these unveiled truths concerning the only One who can give me an authentic perception of my value, worth, and creation is how LOVE has made me free!
He has delivered my soul in peace from the battle that was against me: for there were many against me. -Psalm 55:18